Education's Journey

Sometimes overwhelmed, stressed, stretched, and confused don't even begin to explain the way I feel about being a parent, a student, a teacher, an employee, and a friend. Ever felt that way?
As a homeschooling mom who also works outside the house and is a college student as well, it can be very difficult to keep up with everything. The last year of our lives has been extremely hectic, chaotic, and stagnant all at the same time. I've felt invigorated, exhausted, bored, overwhelmed, enriched, and yet still at square one.

When we began our journey as unschoolers the house was filled with energy, excitement, and joy at the possibilities that were before us. Now, a little over a year later, we have become...er, um...a little less than all of that. We've sent one off into the public school system, and dropped the ball with the others. As the end of the conventional school year approaches, I can't help but reflect on the past 9 months. Without all of the markers of achievement encompassed in a boxed homeschool world, the unschooler needs a regular time to sit and reflect on the things that have come to pass.

Where were we a year ago?

Kassy, age 3, was a little more than a mumbling, bumbling, baby. She still needed pullups, her meat cut for her, and a helping hand getting dressed in the morning. Reading was just something the big kids did, and math wasn't even a real word. "School" was a game that was played by the big kids, and never involved her.

Allen was a 5 year old little man not sure of who he was, what he was interested in, or if he really wanted to learn how to read....EVER. Numbers were his thing, he counted anything and everything. He loved getting into his sister's things, and thought he might like makeup and silly dress up clothes, and was very jealous of all of the clothes and shoes options his sisters had.

Taylor was an 8 year old preschool teacher. Yes, that's right. Taylor helped me plan an prepare preschool lessons for our co-op. Then during our time, she lead sing-song time, lended a helping hand during crafts, and took the little ones outside for play time so I could clean up. She was struggling with her reading, and feeling left out of all other "schooly" type projects.

Alexa, age 9, was feeling very behind her peers (not because she really was:)) Numbers freaked her out, animals were all she could think about, and cooperation was not in her vocabulary. Little kids irritated her and older kids scared her. She was very, VERY shy and introverted and we couldn't encourage her at all to step out and make some friends.

I had just given up a very stressful, yet flexible, part-time job as a chore provider to take on a full time babysitting job for a friend. I had worked for this friend before and knew full and well what I was getting into. But our family needed more money than house cleaning and running errands was providing; and I was perhaps a little blinded by naivety. I was also embarking on my second year in college, and finally finding balance between my studies and the explorations of my children.

*Here's a little mid-story lesson. Our expectations are rarely based on reality, even less often come into reality.

Where did we (I) expect us to be today? (get ready to laugh)

I expected my babysitting job to turn into an in-home daycare where I could employ 1 to 2 other people. I hoped to watch our tiny little co-op grow to incorporate at least 3 new families, and have at least 1 monthly meet up, and several weekly gatherings. I expected to maintain my 3.7 GPA and take on a couple extra classes to earn my degree a few months early.

As for my kids....

I had hoped Kassy would be catching the bug. Seeing her older siblings exploring and creating, and a growing desire within her. I also hoped that through this she would be able to name all of the ABCs and possibly learn to write her name and a few other words, and so on. You know, all of those traditional preschool achievements (even though I was supposed to be deschoolng myself on all of this stuff, it still stalked my mind).

For Allen, I had hoped he would be reading by now, maybe starting to explore a little on his own, and possibly nailing down some form of interests through which I could build a nice little program for him. He started gymnastics last fall, and showed extreme potential. I had hoped this would be his "outing," a place for him to cut loose, make some friends, and explore his options.

Taylor had always been by tough one. She's always been very hard to reach on an "educational" level and very self absorbed on a social level. I had hoped our time together working with preschoolers would create a bond that we could otherwise not forge. I had also hoped that a miracle would strike her and things would just begin to click, that her reading would improve and she would develop the love for learning that I have always had. She too began gymnastics, even though she's never been very spatially aware or coordinated. I had hopes that this two hour time once a week would be a great additional social setting for her and a way for her to learn to use her muscles together, and gracefully.

Alexa was the one I knew would thrive in this "unschooling" environment. She's always been a self starter, an individual, one who could go off exploring and come back with a ton of questions and even more answers. I expected her to move on some of her interests. I thought our house would be smothered in her artwork, and there would be a few new files designed by her in our science resources. Her newly discovered love of computers and technology made me think that by this time next year she would have an active blog and possibly be making some money through her creativity and abilities.

What does all of this mean in my mind? It meant Kassy would be ready and excited for Kindergarten level learning, Allen would be reading on his own and doing simple math and be ready for first grade work. Taylor would finally find that niche she needed to get excited about learning. This would mean she would catch up to other 3rd graders. For Alexa, all of this meant she would zoom through all that boring elementary work and step into the tween scene.
*Do you see the irony here? This was to be our first year unschooling. Stepping out of the educational box created by society, and embarking on a new journey of freedom from restraints and expectations, and exploring through life all of the things that interest us. Instead of doing this, we crammed ourselves back into the box, and continued to measure ourselves up to the rest of the world. We never omitted all of the schooly words, as you can see. We never gave ourselves the freedom necessary to truly embrace the art of unschooling.

Because mom was so busy with work and her own school (and then on her days off catching up on the house and family responsibilities) our family never had a chance. Instead of that bond I desired with my Taylor, a wide divide is forming. She is in the public schools now and cares more about her friends and social activities than hanging with mom. She's doing great, by the way, made honor roll her first semester and last month she was student of the month. She's also earned a citizenship award and is a roll model for her classmates. She has found a niche, I guess you could say, at least her drive to achieve. That would be peer competition. She is doing well in gymnastics, and will be advancing to team in a couple months. But I no longer get the joy of watching her break throughs and discoveries, that is shared instead with her teacher and classmates.

Allen has decided he wants to learn to read, but is fully convinced that it will just come to him with no effort or work, "When he gets old enough" (his words).He's still all number happy, and thinks he wants to be an engineer when he grows up. He's also become fascinated with creepy crawly things and anything that will gross his sisters out. He got his first library card this year and enjoys sending the librarians on scavenger hunts for him. He always has a new curiosity each week for them to help him explore.

Kassy is a work of art! She is all on the heals of her older siblings. She counts out everything she can find, including words in sentences and now syllables in words. She loves to "spell her ABCs" and asks everyone to spell them with her. (spell= sing from the ABC song). She now loves to play school with her big sibs, and even sometimes ends up learning something while she's playing.

Alexa has recently launched into that tween scene, and now I'm not so sure why I hoped for it. One day she's climbing mountains and the next she's cowering in the valleys. She has flown by all of that boring elementary stuff, but I fear she's moving too fast. She's stuck somewhere between a little kid and a teenager and thinks the only way to find her balance is to enter the public schools next year. She sees all of the friends and social activities her younger sister gets to do, and she feels jealous. Instead of taking the opportunities she has to branch out and make her own friends, she wants to do it the school way. She too recently began gymnastics and has been doing great. She talks to people, and performs along with everyone else. She's coming out of her shell in an encouraging way. But its not satisfying her. She wants to throw away all of the freedom she has right now, and fold herself up into the box of public education.

Because I have always said I want to involve my children in the decisions about their own education, I can't keep them from experiencing PS. But it breaks my heart non the less. And since the older two are either in school or talking about it, they too are now expressing their desire to "go to school". What's a mom to do?

All of this after I made the decision to give up my job. My fiance and I have been talking about it, and I bounced it off of my mom, and I put in my notice. Come this fall I will no longer be working outside of the home. I saw that my family couldn't continue down this mad road, so I made the change necessary. But now I fear it was all too little too late.

So here are some questions for all of our readers to answer...and please do!
1. Do I let my kids check out the public school system, allowing them to pull out if it doesn't work for them?
2. If they do all enter the system next year, what will I do with all of the time? And how can I continue down the path I've charted without them with me?
3. Is there anything I can do over the next 4 months to encourage them to stay home?